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Two and a Half Men
Two and a Half Men
7.4•2003•TV-14•12 Seasons

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Comedy
Watch NowSeries

Actors

Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher

Walden Schmidt

Jon Cryer

Jon Cryer

Alan Harper

Conchata Ferrell

Conchata Ferrell

Berta

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Episodes

  1. 1

    Pilot

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

    Play
  2. 2

    Big Flappy Bastards

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

    Play
  3. 3

    Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

    Play
  4. 4

    If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

    Play
  5. 5

    The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

    Play
  6. 6

    Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

    Play
  7. 7

    If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Play
  8. 8

    Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

    Play
  9. 9

    Phase One, Complete

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

    Play
  10. 10

    Merry Thanksgiving

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

    Play
  11. 11

    Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

    Play
  12. 12

    Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

    Play
  13. 13

    Sarah Like Puny Alan

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

    Play
  14. 14

    I Can't Afford Hyenas

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

    Play
  15. 15

    Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

    Play
  16. 16

    That Was Saliva, Alan

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

    Play
  17. 17

    Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

    Play
  18. 18

    An Old Flame With a New Wick

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

    Play
  19. 19

    I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

    Play
  20. 20

    Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

    Play